I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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