im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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