I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
