Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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