hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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