its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
