Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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