last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize