I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
