His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
