i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
farters have to be the big spoon...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
