I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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