you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
