Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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