Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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