are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
