I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
