What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
where am i from again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
