when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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