Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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