You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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