I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
