it hurts more in the daytime
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
