I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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