And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
