1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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