God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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