so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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