I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
