the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
