I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
