Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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