well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm getting married
To pizza
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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