rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
