everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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