I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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