I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just had sex on a roof
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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