Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
