Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize