had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
