i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
