I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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