omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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