i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
