And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
