I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize