8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
