I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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