you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
