Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
