is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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