I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
