She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
