I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
