So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
