Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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