I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
