She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
