I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
