is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
