i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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