Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
