she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
