If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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