I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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