roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
