i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
