there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
