I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
