just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
