you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize