Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
