so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
