Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
