i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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