I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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