Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He did a backflip because drugs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
