you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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