so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize