Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The best revenge is premature balding
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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