Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
