hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
