So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
