New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
