is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
