Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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