Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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