I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
