I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
