walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
