And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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