omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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