Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
