alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
two words: eviction party
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
