Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
