The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
